Dear ex-fish Minister Gail Shea:
Please do not visit our province again. Nothing personal - just a provincial health concern and alert.
We come down with a wicked case of "Fuck-the-NL Fishery" flu every time you pop by.
We end up with the shivers and shakes (our heads and our fists),
and chills (you leave us feeling so cold)
and uncontrollable nausea and cursing.
We gets the sweats (from our exasperation and anger)
and the dry scratchy throat (from condemning you on Open Line).
Then we gets the runs - some running away from your curse
and the rest running to clout you 'bout the head.
Its just ungodly how ill and weak we get when you hit our shores. You takes the good right out of us, I tell you cause you got everything arse foremost!
So, the good Doctor recommends that we stay very, very far away from the carrier of this wicked flu. The anti-frig-the-fish flu shot won't work, he says, because we've already been overdosed by your arrogance, patronizing ways, as well as contempt for us. Not to mention your slick misleading info and feigning compassion. You do not understand the fisheries and how it defines us. Cut your losses and skedaddle, missus.
It isn't much to ask you NOT to come here for your once-a-year visit, is it? Just send those few piddly federal dollars for wharves and what-nots on the boat to China with our fish. It'll make it back to us at some point.
You see the "Frig-the-NL Fishery" flu is the hardest flu ever to hit our people 'cause we just loves our fishery. We take it seriously. We lives and breathes it and sometimes we adores it just like a god. It's been real good to us over the century and we like to keep it healthy and strong into the future. We got centuries ol' communities and young people counting on the fishery heartbeat to keep pumping. Sure, if truth be known we got babies lined in heaven just waiting to be born a NL fisher in a rural NL community - that's how precious and popular our culture is. Ottawa don't have those bragging rights, eh?
So, if you can't stop coming, we will retaliate. We got this new vicious flu bug growing that if unleashed could wipe out your entire central Canada government and I predict it will happen during Election 2015. They don't call us fighting Nflders for nothing, girl.
In the meantime, we are symbolically striping you of your title as Minister of Fisheries and Oceans. In our books, you have never earned a day's pay yet.
And as for rationalizing the fishery - don't you get it by now? Us Newfoundlanders and Labradorians can't be rational when we're pissin' angry - especially about our fisheries. So if you going to insist on inflicting the LIFO damage and all the other fish mess, let the fish flu biological warfare begin!
Cough, sniffle ... ahhh..coo! Look, we're even breaking out in hives. Jaysus, yes, stay away - we're even allergic to you too! Oh me nerves!
So, the good Doctor recommends that we stay very, very far away from the carrier of this wicked flu. The anti-frig-the-fish flu shot won't work, he says, because we've already been overdosed by your arrogance, patronizing ways, as well as contempt for us. Not to mention your slick misleading info and feigning compassion. You do not understand the fisheries and how it defines us. Cut your losses and skedaddle, missus.
It isn't much to ask you NOT to come here for your once-a-year visit, is it? Just send those few piddly federal dollars for wharves and what-nots on the boat to China with our fish. It'll make it back to us at some point.
You see the "Frig-the-NL Fishery" flu is the hardest flu ever to hit our people 'cause we just loves our fishery. We take it seriously. We lives and breathes it and sometimes we adores it just like a god. It's been real good to us over the century and we like to keep it healthy and strong into the future. We got centuries ol' communities and young people counting on the fishery heartbeat to keep pumping. Sure, if truth be known we got babies lined in heaven just waiting to be born a NL fisher in a rural NL community - that's how precious and popular our culture is. Ottawa don't have those bragging rights, eh?
So, if you can't stop coming, we will retaliate. We got this new vicious flu bug growing that if unleashed could wipe out your entire central Canada government and I predict it will happen during Election 2015. They don't call us fighting Nflders for nothing, girl.
In the meantime, we are symbolically striping you of your title as Minister of Fisheries and Oceans. In our books, you have never earned a day's pay yet.
And as for rationalizing the fishery - don't you get it by now? Us Newfoundlanders and Labradorians can't be rational when we're pissin' angry - especially about our fisheries. So if you going to insist on inflicting the LIFO damage and all the other fish mess, let the fish flu biological warfare begin!
Cough, sniffle ... ahhh..coo! Look, we're even breaking out in hives. Jaysus, yes, stay away - we're even allergic to you too! Oh me nerves!
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